Death

Suicide note draft

I have departed
hopefully to nothing
if possible I want to be cremated
and spread across the Atlantic Ocean
from whence my ancestors crossed
to reach here
I've been given the burden of life
something I didn't ask for
I've been given the burden of ending my life
something I didn't want to be given
however my burden will end
leaving only yours
I don want to sound inconsiderate
but that will end all the burdens that I have
these problems are no longer mine
they are yours
this is what I wanted, a cease
seeing faces in the ceiling
it put a smile on my face
thinking how wonderful it would be
not to see them anymore
to put an end to whatever horrors
are over the horizon
to languish in others frowns
to not know how anyone would react
for these is the rub
darkness will end
hopefully it will all end and I never come back
in any fucking form
the soul will decay
having passed on nothing of its horror
it will all decompose
from whence it came
leaving no traces
but simpler life emerging
doing it best to reach the sun
on second thought,
just throw my body into the woods
I plan on burning everything of mine
little by little so no one will notice
leaving no traces of my existence
only memories that will fade
and eventually those would end
like generations before
that were forgotten
only completing the cycle of life
you may call it cheating
but what the fuck do I care
I'm dead
-June 2007

Untitled

God I hate my life
I took a Zydone but
don't have enough
for all day
what will I do?
don't have booze
don't have pot
don't have caffeine
don't have anymore pills

If only I died
it could be so nice
it would be so great
to die and never see
another sunset or
another dawn
death begets blankness
nothingness, zero
the history of 0
speaks to history
no reincarnation
no soul exists
no where to go
no where to be seen
but down here on
the dead, cold earth
I hope to see black
I want to cringe my hair out
pull it out
hit my fists against concrete
and my head
against wood
I don't want to be buried
or cremated
but left to rot in the ground
never to come back
Heaven wouldn't do
Limbo wouldn't do
Hell wouldn't help
none of these will help
if my existence continues
like my brother
I have an eccentricity
tapping my foot on the floor
maybe its nervousness
or depression
or both
fall has greeted me coldly
like a slap on the face
its not giving me a fair chance
to keep things balanced
the median is non-existent
my ultimate goal
my current goal
my soon to be real goal
my hopefully eventual goal
-October 2007

I'm gonna join the military, see you in hell
-Will Kudner